Ah, yes. The awkward “coming out” time. Every lesbian has this time. And for those of you still snuggled tightly within your
closet, I promise you’ll find a new found lightness and confidence once you peek
out into the rest of the world and find your place within the lesbian community.
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In fact, there are plenty of lesbians and bisexual women who are openly gay who are not all the way comfortable with actually being lesbian and what that means both to them and to those around them.
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In fact, there are plenty of lesbians and bisexual women who are openly gay who are not all the way comfortable with actually being lesbian and what that means both to them and to those around them.
Come out of the closet and let people know you are lesbian
The good news is that you’re here, so just know that we are
100% dedicated to helping you beautiful ladies out. Just come on out of that
stuffy closet. Luckily,
in that “awkward time” I previously mentioned, I had a couple of friends who
were already “out,” and I also had friends who were incredibly supportive. I
thank them with all of my heart and am glad they were in my life at the time
they were, even though mostly we have drifted apart now. I’ll always love them
and be forever grateful.
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Work your way to the more difficult conversations,
such as with less open-minded people or with parents/family. Trust me and believe
me when I say that I know how terrifying planning all of this stuff can be.
Keep in mind how huge this secret is, and know that the people who really love
you will be okay with your sexuality, even if it takes them a while, which
brings me to the next thing to help you “deal” with that fact that you are a girl who likes girls.
True friends will love you whether you are lesbian or not
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This is the part that sucks. A lot. At the time, it seems
like it will never get better and nothing can be fixed and all you want to do
is yell “I was kidding! I’m not really gay!” but, I can promise going back on
your declaration of lesbianism will not fix your problems, and it would just
close you up in that closet so much tighter. The awesome news is that we, as
humans, tend to well. . . imagine and plan for the worst, so the terrible
scenarios you’re thinking will happen in your head won’t happen. Take a deep
breath now and know that if your “friends” truly love you, they will love you
regardless if you are lesbian or not.
Keep in mind how worth it it’s going to be when
you’re totally honest with both yourself and everyone around you and you will
no longer having this big (rainbow colored) dark cloud hanging over your head!
Know that some people just won’t get it, and so, might not get you. Remember
what I said about giving them some space if they need it, because the odds of
them coming back multiply greatly if they truly love you.
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Plan how you will tell people you are a lesbian
I know this part can seem kind of silly, since the talks we
usually plan for never happen. I know that many times I have planned out
conversations (usually in the bathtub – my thinking space) and thought I
totally had every possible scenario planned out, and well, I didn’t. However,
knowing exactly what you want to say can help you so much, especially when you
sit down with that not-so-easy-to-talk-to friend you have and they’re staring
at you expectantly and your mind goes totally *blank*. In fact, if you need to,
take someone who knows with you for support, or write down some of what you
want to say, but it is definitely worth telling them in person. , , Read more
Practice on close friends who you think will accept that you are lesbian
This is crucial and builds confidence. After coming out to a
few close friends who have your back and love you even more for being honest
and brave enough to come clean to them, you’ll have a few allies and be more
prepared for the harder talks, plus it’s true that practice seriously does make
perfect.
Do your research about girls who like girls coming out
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Look up
how other gay women come out to those they care about. Look up how lesbians deal with
the fallout that can ensue. Look up support groups.
Find places where you know people will be cool with the “new you
such as lesbian bars and clubs with girl on girl action Look online for lesbian-friendly places in your area
and go support them and make some new friends. Meet other girls who like girls online and talk about coming out.
Spend some time in front of the mirror
Go and look in the mirror. If you do not see a
beautiful, strong, perfectly capable gay woman looking back at you then I suggest
you call a maintenance man to come get you a working mirror, because that is
exactly what you are. Allow yourself to become comfortable with yourself,
whether it be your obnoxiously loud laugh, your crooked nose, your awkwardness
(guilty), that weird throat-clearing thing you do when you’re nervous,
whatever- accept it, love it, move past it. If you learn to love yourself,
others will flock to you. I know it sounds way too corny, but I’m serious. It’s
really true that you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love
you.
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Love yourself for being a lesbian
Tell us
your story, your problems, your happy stuff, whatever you want to tell us-
we’re here. Do me a favor, okay? One day when you have some spare time, sit
down and write down things you like about yourself. If you don’t want to write
things, then at least think about them, or type them into your phone in the
notes section and then erase them or something if you want. Anyway, write down
these things and commit them to memory. Remember these things you love about yourself
when you feel self-conscious or unsure of yourself. You’ll learn to love that
crooked nose or obnoxious laugh or whatever it is that you’re uncomfortable
with. . . . Read more
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If you would like extra guidance... I highly recommend that
you grab yourself a copy of The Lesbian Lifestyle Book. It is the only guide
you will ever need as a lesbian or bisexual woman. - Click Here
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